"...He is more precious to me than..."

"Christ is glorified in me when people see He is more precious to me than all that life can give or death can take."  --John Piper

I love this quote by Piper.  I rely on thoughts…words…the ability to articulate.  Feelings make me uncomfortable – they’re too loose, too vague, too fluid.  I like the structure that is formed by words – clear boundaries, created by definitions, aiding to understanding, contributing to clear expectations, protecting from the unbridled chaos that feelings can bring.  This past year has been full of feelings, and weak on words; leave it to Piper to summarize an entire year full of prayers into a single sentence.

“…all that life can give...”

It’s hard to believe, but the Africa Mercy has now been “home sweet home” for over a year.  Want to know one of my favorite things about living life with God?  He knows how to thrill our hearts because He is the One who created our hearts.  This last year has been full of adventures that I could never have possibly imagined, and yet have absolutely thrilled my heart.  Should I be embarrassed to admit that I still grin like an idiot whenever I load up into one of the old, white Land Rovers – the ones that are just like the Landies I always daydreamed about roaming through Africa in?  I have sailed through the literal center of the world (0,00/0,00) twice.  How many people can say they’ve seen the buoy that marks the center of the world?!  Have you ever seen the stars from the middle of the ocean on a moonless night, when the Milky Way looks so thick you wonder if it’s actually haze from the ship’s funnel, when the stars are so vibrant and plentiful that you cannot pick out a single constellation, when the heavens are so bright and vivid it moves you to tears?  Do you have any idea how amazing it feels when your favorite little orphan, the little guy who wouldn’t even let you stand by him a few months earlier, immediately snuggles into your chest and falls into a deep sleep in your arms because he knows, even though you have no common language, that he is loved and safe?  I get to wake up to the sound of patients worshipping in the ward directly below my cabin, as their bodies and souls are healing – how is this my life?  The list goes on and on and on and on…and not a moment passes that I am not acutely aware that this is the life that He has given me, that He has designed for me, that He has blessed me with.  I am so grateful for all that He has given me…and yet I genuinely hope it is true that as much I love all of these adventures, “…He is more precious to me than all that life can give…”.

“…all that…death can take…”

If you read the last blog post, you know my summer began with news of my uncle’s sudden and unexpected death.  Unfortunately, death has continued to be the theme throughout the summer.  The woman I have loved as “mom” since I was nine is laying in a hospital bed in her living room on hospice.  Her mom, a spunky little spitfire who listed herself on Facebook as my grandmother, passed away unexpectedly just a few days ago.  This little family absolutely means the world to me, and knowing the suffering they are experiencing wreaks my heart in a way that no words could ever express.  Meanwhile, I am thousands of miles away, sitting on a hospital ship full of passionate people who aren’t able to live out their passion.  We are still in the Canary Islands, uncertain of where the ship will go next, because Ebola is ravaging West Africa and killing hundreds.  Why am I choosing to stay on a ship with no clear direction, so far from all of those I love?  Because I know that this is where He has called me to be for now, and as much as I love my little family back home, “…He is more precious to me than all that…death can take…”.

So here I am: praying.  Praying that He continues to be more precious to me than all that life can give, more precious than all that death can take…praying that people see that…praying that through all of this, through the good, the hard, the confusing, the exhilarating, the frustrating, the adventurous – praying that through all of this, Christ is somehow glorified in me.